Whut-evaah.

I don’t seem to know you anymore.

You’re distant, changed and you know what’s the best part?
I like you better this way – away.

Throw Me A Rope.

 

I want you between me and the feeling I get when I miss you
But everything here is telling me I should be fine
So why is it so, above as below,
That I’m missing you every time

I got used to you whispering things to me into the evening
We followed the sun and its colours and left this world
It seems to me that I’m definitely
Hearing the best that I’ve heard

So throw me a rope to hold me in place
Show me a clock for counting my days down
Cause everything’s easier when you’re beside me
Come back and find me
Cause I feel alone

And whenever you go it’s like holding my breath underwater
I have to admit that I kind of like it when I do
Oh but I’ve got to be unconditionally
Unafraid of my days without you

 

**

 

I fucking miss you, (F) .

You’ve made me stupid – foolish decisions have been made, lies I’m not proud of have been said – but frankly speaking, I don’t care.

So you, I’m stupid for you.

The Luckiest.

 

I don’t get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here

And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know

 

 

I have been reduced to a stage where I relate to corny lyrics as easy as Oprah to her black counterparts. The past 21 days have seen my mood fluctuate more frequently than a hormonal teenage girl, grins have been plastered across my face for most parts of the day and every time the phone rings, I secretly wish it was you on the other line.

I am happy. I am genuinely, honestly, all cards on the table happy. I have to admit, I had my doubts at first and they’re still lingering in a corner of my head. Afterall, I’ve been in a somewhat similar situation back in 2007 and honestly, coming out of it hurt more than it was worth. But upon knowing you – every conversation, every rendezvouz has just sunk me deeper and deeper into this pit that I wouldn’t have any idea where to start crawling out of.

 

What if I’d been born fifty years before you
In a house on a street where you lived?
Maybe I’d be outside as you passed on your bike
Would I know?

And in a white sea of eyes
I see one pair that I recognize
And I know

So I’m staying put. I’m going to dig deeper and deeper, and maybe one day I’ll strike gold. I’m taking a chance with you, even if in the back of my mind, I secretly know that “one day” and where I stand now are world’s apart. Even if that “one day” never comes and I realize what I’ve been digging all along was my own grave. Even if every bit about what we have is so undefinable, so unreal and filled with uncertainties – I’m taking a chance with you.

You have to know, I am cynical, jaded at best. It is a trait that has stood between me and risks I could’ve taken in the past. It is also the same trait that for some weird, unknown reason I constantly overlooked ever since I knew you. You have taken the cynic in me and reduced it into a ditzy school girl. And I’ll be honest with you, I’m not a ditzy school girl. I don’t do ditzy school girl. I am smart, I am witty, and as crazy as it sounds – I am strong. I draw my own silver lining and I don’t mind eating my lunch alone. I’d rather grow old with 50 cats and a box full of yarn balls because they’re cheaper in bulk. I hate children and I work well with circumstances. I have no qualms with being a conformist. I do coffee, I do cigarettes, I do alcohol and I do sex. When shit happens, I deal. I fall knowing that I will pick myself up.

 

Next door there’s an old man who lived to his nineties
And one day passed away in his sleep
And his wife; she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away

I’m sorry, I know that’s a strange way to tell you that I know we belong
That I know

 

So no, I’m not a ditzy school girl. But you, you came into my life and took that away from me. An exchange of glances was all it took to suck me into this whirlpool of events that happened so fast and before I knew it, here I am, with my heart, brain and testicles tugging at different directions. You yanked me out of the know and put me alongside the clueless and the hopeless.

With you, there is no 5-year plan I can work with. There is simply no plan, not even for a second. For once in my life, I am living in the now. I am stuck in the present, leaving tomorrow for tomorrow to worry about.

And right now? I am happy, in a more-than-contented, I-want-tomorrow-to-come-faster, I-hope-you’re-happy-too kind of way. I am so happy my positivity disgusts me, but yes – I am happy.

 

 

 

~

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

~

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And it’s pouring.

AAAAARGGGGGH.

It has started. It has fucking started.

And I, I’m not ready.

How Now, Brown Cow?

_ ____ ___.

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Virtual Smirtual.

The shit people come up with these days tickles me.

Here’s an extract taken from the press release:

“Thanks to TP’s 3D virtual campus in Google Earth, now you can take a tour of TP’s grounds whenever and wherever you are!”

Why, thank you Google Earth and Temasek Polytechnic. Thanks to you and your futuristic take on technology, thousands of avid hentai fans around the world can get the golden opportunity to explore our humble campus in 3D at a click of a mouse. And not to forget, that only happens after installing Google Earth which comes with a free and absolutely necessary Google search bar stacked on the top of our browser.

And we all know that finding Singapore on the World Map shares the same success rate as Britney Spears ever regaining her sanity, but fret not, for Google has brought their game up a notch.

“With Google Earth, you can now “fly” to TP by typing “Temasek Polytechnic” in the “Fly To” search box.“

After all, what better way to travel in the virtual world than to “fly”? The last time I saw such a breakthrough in technology was when they invented a juice machine that hums. With such advancements taking Singapore by storm, job opportunities and an economy upscale would definitely follow. Heck, perhaps even a cure for cancer.

But noooo. Some jerk conveniently aliased Mr. Oh (Possible maiden name: Uh) has better plans laid in store for us.

“With TP’s 3D virtual campus now completed and live in Google Earth, the project team is setting its sight on even more ambitious projects. “The team is in discussions with a government agency to build models for the Tampines area,” Mr Oh reveals. Looking at the vivid recreation of TP’s campus online, we’re sure that you’ll be flying around Tampines in cyberspace in no time.“

That’s right, because all my life ever since I was a kid, all I wanted was to have the ability to fly around Tampines.

Ghandi was ambitious by wanting to promote a world of peace. George W. Bush is ambitious on the very basis that he’s even alive. The “project team”, however, has ambitions of creating a virtual lego world of Tampines.

Wtf? (I rarely do acronyms, so when I go wtf here, I really mean wtf.)

If I had that much free time in my hands, I could come up with a whole list of things to do, 90% of which would eventually lead to me getting laid and I can ensure you, building virtual crap of crap is not one of them.

Nice job, Jerk-off. Now watch me virtually care.

Quickie.

I have no problems
Dipping in my foot
But the trouble comes
When I have to jump.

And all the reasons not to
seems pretty good.

 

~

I might start writing erotic fiction when I’m done with this hell of a semester. Wish me luck.

The skies look pretty.

Give me reason, but don’t give me choice
‘Cos I’ll just make the same mistake again.

~

 

I’ve lost my heart once, and in turn I almost lost everything else. To have to go through all of that, again – I fear for my sanity.

But alas, it always happens. Fuckity fuck fuck.